White Wine for People who Hate White Wine

Clear clear clear light straw borderlining on flourescent canary.  The blandest nose of rubber-band, wet chalk and cooked greens.  Entry watery and full of… nothingness?

I know I do not drink a ton of white wines, but this one just defines ‘nothingness’.  It’s like water, really.  There’s just absolutely NOTHING there.  Holy crap what a dreadful wine.  Label gives source to Central Coast Wine Services and this is honestly the first time I have seen such on a label.  I had no idea CCWS bottled stuff under their own label.  Did they pump this off the cellar floor from barrel over-toppings of clients?!?  Did everyone with a wine vaguely resembling a white donate a barrel?!?  Is this a Trader Joe’s bottling?  Because it would make a whole lot more sense if it said BRONCO on the label.

Trying desperately to find descriptors in the entry and middle and I just really… can… not… find… any.  It’s it just plain WATER.  It’s, like, soaked banana peels.  And it degenerates into the most astringent finish ever.  Letting it warm up in hopes of something viable exposing itself but it is not looking good.  Nothing is coming of this wine.

Who would drink this?!?  WHERE would you drink this?!?  The beach, perhaps–on a 100-degree day with sun-screen running into your eyes and the sand blowing into your mouth and some kid cryin and then JUST MAYBE you could say it has a sort of ‘minerality’.  There’s just NOTHING THERE.

I suppose this is why some people drink white wines.  They do not want to think about them.  This is not even quaffable.  It is just dretch.  46% Roussanne, 33% Grenache Blanc, 9% Marsanne, and 12% Viognier and hence the brilliant RGMV label which promises an “unexpected experience”.  Yeah… unexpected brain-deadness.  No fruit, no peach, no grass, no spice–not even Butter-n-Oak… just watery meagerness folding slowly into rotten nectarine and a giant FAIL.  13.25 Ooooh we got the hundreth decimal-place for the scientific win.  Wow.  I could make Roussanne and Viognier in my bathtub with something more interesting going on.  I mean:  Give it a huge classic flaw or SOMETHING.  Just give it something.  Anything but this mediocrity.  What a classic.

2011 R.G.M.V White Blend Central Coast Santa Barbara Co. 13.25

http://centralcoastwineservices.com/

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